By PAUL POST, The Saratogian
Sunday, February 22, 2009

SARATOGA SPRINGS — The electronic messages came from unknown senders — hateful, destructive, mean-spirited.

Contrary to the “Sticks and Stones” children’s ditty, words do hurt and one day Ryan Halligan decided to stop it all — by taking his own life.

His case is extreme, but throughout the United States parents, educators and most of all, victims, are grappling with the growing problem of young people launching vicious technology-based verbal attacks — a phenomenon known as cyberbullying.

“With the click of a button you can really hurt someone,” said Peter Bednarek, Galway High School’s principal.

In January, Ryan’s father, John, left his lucrative IBM job in Vermont to make a full-time mission of educating people about the potentially lethal combination of adolescents and the unchecked use of computers. He’s already talked to students at Corinth Central Schools, is coming back in May to address parents, and on April 22 he’ll be at Schuylerville.

This Tuesday, Ballston Spa Middle School officials will present a DVD version of “Ryan’s Story” to parents at a 7 p.m. PTA meeting at the school library. This will be followed up with classroom discussions throughout March.

“Bullying is an age-old problem, but when you put technology on top of it, it’s very easy to sit behind a screen and say and do things that you wouldn’t have the guts to do otherwise,” Halligan said. “The speed that damage can be done is remarkable. It amplifies and accelerates the hurt.”

Almost everyone remembers the playground bully who shoved or pushed other kids, just for the fun of it or to get his own way. Usually it was a boy, too big for his age, who got a charge out of intimidating classmates that couldn’t fight back.

Today, however, some of the worst bullies wear dresses, lipstick — and carry weapons — everything from cell phones to hand-held computers. Quite often, they’re only 12 to 13 years old.

“At that age, their hormones are raging,” said

Dr. Randy, a Clifton Park parenting counselor. “When they get insulted, all of their emotion comes out. For some reason, girls stay online. They do this kind of battle. I’ve seen some of the transcripts. You wouldn’t believe it. It can get very ugly, very quickly.”

Before, a bullying victim came home with a bruised knee or skinned elbow and that was the end of it. Now, the attacks continue long after school, for all the world to see and read about. When a victim returns to school the next day, he or she is the subject of all kinds of lies and humiliating gossip.

“It’s very easy when you can’t see the hurt in someone’s eyes that you’re causing,” said Pam Driscoll, a Schuylerville school nurse-teacher. “It’s invisible. It’s a really dangerous place to go.”

Ryan Halligan had physical and learning disabilities that made him a natural target. Trouble started in about fifth grade, and then his parents thought it was over. Later, it resurfaced, but they had no idea of the severity involved.

One boy, in particular, had bullied Ryan for several years. Then a young teenage girl joined the “fun,” letting Ryan think she liked him, only to flatly reject him. Somehow, a rumor got started that he was gay. At 13, Ryan couldn’t deal with it and decided he no longer would.

“It turned out his parents were just as dangerous as a stranger, perhaps more so,” John Halligan said. “I totally overlooked the potential of the computer being used this way.”

In Ryan’s case and every other one there are three groups of people — the bully, the victim and observers, the bystanders who can prevent tragedies by reporting what they see.

“You can’t fix the problem until you address the audience that permitted this in the first place,” Halligan said. “Most kids I’ve talked to didn’t realize they had a responsibility.”

In school hallways, students can stop bullying by telling trouble-makers to back off. With computers, they should alert parents and teachers about serious offenses.

“Bullies bully because they can,” said Pat Kilgore, the Prevention Council’s clinical director. “It gives them power and prestige. Unfortunately, a lot of bullies become very popular within their friendships. They’re looked up to. They may be feared. The key piece to anti-bullying is getting observers stepping up to stop it. They all can in some form or another.”

Christopher Castrio, Corinth’s middle school guidance counselor, said Halligan’s recent visit had a profound impact on students. He gave three separate presentations for grades 4-6, 7-9 and 10-12.

“Kids who were thinking, ‘Do I want to be a bully?’ I think they got the answer that day. No,” he said. “Some of them are saying, ‘I was that bully. I’m not going to be a bully any more.’ ”

Castrio said there’s been a noticeable reduction in behavioral incidents since Halligan’s presentation. It works for one simple reason.

“Here’s a dad — not an educator, not a police officer — presenting this about his son,” he said. “You just can’t surpass first-hand experience. It was very powerful.”

Halligan’s program for parents is scheduled for May 19 in Corinth and his upcoming Schuylerville visit is in conjunction with the school’s ongoing WAVE (Working Against Violence Everywhere) program that deals with a variety of issues such as conflict resolution, anger management and violence prevention. These are just a few of the 175 schools he’s visited throughout the U.S. since Ryan’s passing on Oct. 7, 2003.

“I was trying to do something productive with my grief and my anger,” he said. “The first place I went, there were many kids with tears running down their faces. One girl said her life had been changed forever. She went up to one of the students she’d tormented to tell her she was sorry. The input just encouraged me to keep going.”

Halligan’s message has attracted national media attraction from the likes of Diane Sawyer’s “Primetime” program and Frontline on PBS.

“The story has a connection to every single kid in the audience,” he said.

In Galway, school officials are taking another approach to bullying prevention with a pilot “Safe Bus” program.

“Bullying is obviously a problem in all school districts,” said Christine Bornt, a school social worker. “It’s happening outside of school. With boys bullying is more physical. With girls it’s social-ostracizing. A lot of times things that happen are brought to school the next day. If you’re a bystander, definitely report what you’re seeing.

“Don’t just walk away.”

Parents can get involved by exercising more control over their children’s computer use.

“Unfettered access to the Internet is a mistake — period,” Cale said. “Good parents with good kids say they’ll keep an eye out. In reality, that’s just not enough. You want to be very careful about letting kids into chat rooms and instant messaging where half-a-dozen kids are involved in the exchange. They can turn into brutal gang attacks.

“Don’t fall into the temptation of letting kids tell you, ‘I deserve some privacy.’ It makes no sense. Let them protest.”

Worldwide, there are an estimated 275 million people on Facebook.

“That’s a huge place where kids get together and chat,” Cale said. “It’s hard to describe anything positive that comes out of it. There’s nothing uplifting that occurs in any of these group exchanges.”

Saratoga Springs has a ninth-grade peer court, in which trained older students act as judges and hand down sentences to kids guilty of fighting or chronic harassment. Instead of traditional punishment such as detention, students might have to do some type of community service.

“Kids really say things that are hurtful to other kids,” said Pat Marin, the Prevention Council’s school-based prevention coordinator. “They think it’s a joke. It’s not a joke. Hurtful words never go away.”